Monday, November 15, 2010

Dating Don'ts for Guys

When I moved back to "the real world" from my island paradise six months ago, I decided that I was going to keep my focus on school, work and myself. A relationship being the last thing I needed, I decided not to date. I have been good so far, but it's getting cold outside, and well, I cannot help but think it'd be nice to find someone to hibernate with for the winter. For this reason, I went against my original plan went on a couple of dates.

What happened?? I decided to write some first date DON'Ts for guys out there, clearly, my help is needed.

Yes, they were that bad!

Don't ask a her where she'd like to go, and then tell her that the one place she picked is off-limits, because you are avoiding some people who will be there. This is a terrible way to start off a date. Take her where she wants to go, plain and simple. Also, this reason leaves her wondering "why is he avoiding people? this guy must be scketchy!" If she has no preference to where to go, be decisive and pick somewhere. Don't say "well…. ummmm…. I dunno, wherever you want. I don't care." Care. Take her somewhere cozy where you can have a conversation. Looking for something more lively? Then go to a nice bar that has a coat check. You will feel like a tool when her favourite blazer has been stolen off the back of her chair.

Don't go overboard with compliments. You're out with a girl: she's looking good, she's funny, smart and you're fascinated by her... So you keep telling her how amazing/witty/funny/cute/smart/awesome she is. Although giving an appropriate compliment or two is a good thing; hanging on to a girls every word and following her every statement with a "you are SO awesome" "are you always this cool?" "you're so great!" will just turn a girl off. Completely.

Don't text/bbm- This should be common sense, but sadly, too many guys cannot seem to put away their BlackBerry for a couple of hours and enjoy some face-2-face time. There is nothing more annoying than competing for your attention with a smartphone. Leave your phone at home to give your date your full and undivided attention, she deserves it.

Don't obsess over your "flaws"- Sure, maybe your car is a jalopy, or the moustache you're growing for Movember is horrendous, or you have a crappy job and make no money. These are things that most women will be willing to overlook if they like you. But if you keep on bringing it up and constantly reminding her about the negative things, she is much more likely to care about something she had been willing to overlook originally. Be yourself, be confident (not cocky), and honest. If she likes you, she won't care about what kind of car you drive, or your horrendous sweater.

Don't talk about your ex-girlfriend- Just don't do it. your date doesn't need to hear about how what a "crazy heart-breaking bitch"" your last lover was . Not only is it totally tacky, but hearing you bad-mouthing your ex makes girls wonder what you'd say about her if things don't work out.

Don't flirt with your server- Even if things aren't going well with your date and your attractive server seems like a better option, don't try to pick her up. First of all, servers are getting hit on constantly the last thing is she needs is yet another sleezeball asking her what her tattoos signify and what her astrological sign is. When you are on a date and you flirt with your server, she immediately thinks you're a douche. Secondly, it is terrible for your dates self esteem

Don't lie- Again, something that should be common sense, but sadly isn't. What if one day you end up falling for this girl? How are you going to tell her that you actually rent your apartment (you thought being a condo-owner sounded better), and that you aren't 26, but actually pushing 30? Be honest from the start to avoid awkward, uncomfortable conversations later.

It is safe to say that after just a few weeks back in the wonder world of dating, I am withdrawing from it once again. *sigh* It's going to be a cold winter!!!

Our cocktail this week is dedicated to my Cayman friends celebrating Pirates week. Sail away with the Captain's simple and delicious concoction


2oz Capt Morgan Spiced Rum
-Ginger ale

-Lime wedge

-Mix Rum, and equal parts coke and ginger ale in a glass filled with ice. Squeeze in lime wedge. Sail Away!!


  1. gasp! no wonder i'm still single... did your blazer actually get stolen? because i'm not sure that's the guy's fault. unless he took you to the New Occidental. Nice post Rachelle, if i wasn't so awesome already there's be lots i could learn here.

  2. Does the "Don't text/bbm" count if I love reading your blog on my cellphone even when I'm on a date with a girl! lol... nice post indeed!

  3. andrew.... yes indeed my blazer was stolen. I wanted to go to a place where there was a coatcheck, he wanted to stay at G martini bar, not quite the Occidental, but a little bit dodgy... a little bit his fault. and yes, you are pretty awesome.

    brian- the only time you are allowed to take out your iphone on a date is to show her this blog, and actually it will have the reverse effect and will get you brownie points!! true story.

  4. If I may make a liberal summary here: Don't be insecure and don't be rude :)

    Lying = insecure
    Ex-girlfriend = insecure
    Compliments / flaws = insecure
    Not paying attention = rude
    Not having a plan = rude

    You know I seriously think that men need some form of instructional video for this stuff. Something they are shown during their teens to give them at least some formal groundwork for behaviour. Simple stuff like "don't be late", "pick a place to go" or "offer two or three places to go".

    In fact if you want to be real smooth, pick a time, a place and a mode of transportation and just present them all as part of the date offer. If the woman is actually interested in the date, she'll just change whatever part of the plan doesn't work :)

    You know, maybe if people actually did this in those stupid rom-coms then guys might actually pick up on this. How many times do the two prospective lovers simply agree on a date without setting the when/where/how? How often does this really work in real life?

    You know Rachelle, I think I've figured it out. We have someone to blame for all of this bad male behavior, we can blame the romantic comedies :)

  5. Your don't text/bbm on a date rule is interesting as I always make a point to follow it, girls however do not.

    Or maybe I'm just boring them.


  6. Great and insightful post Rachelle. I can't believe these guys, lucky enough to share your time and they want to pay more attention to their phones and your server, not to mention avoid places to avoid people. Zero class; opposite of someone clearly worthy of your time. PS. Will be sure to make myself a Blaster however I may substitute Sailor Jerry for Captain Morgan.

  7. haha Rachelle
    loved it!
    the server one is important but I once had the opposite issue - the server hitting on my man! and it was truly awkward, didn't bring me my water and actually gave him a complimentary dessert.

    I'd also like to note that men should try their best not too get too nervous on a first date - I mean the girl is there so see where it goes. Because it may result in one whole pint of beer being spilled on one rather disgruntled little brown girl.